This month does not feel the same as I will not be visiting Mayo. It will be the first time in a 'month of moons' that I have not made it to see my son. When I wrote him to advise him of such (as he likes to know so he can put on his FINEST and make sure the head is freshly bald *laughs*) I just knew the little boy I was used to was going to respond but instead he responded in a way that let me know my baby is maturing! It brought tears to my eyes (as does almost EVERYTHING related to my son)!!
He told me he understood but as a mom I just don't like it, don't like it at all. But do you want to know what he said to me? He said "if you could be here EVERY weekend you would, on time and with a smile on your face from ear to ear so don't worry about a visit. Go to VA and enjoy yourself. Send me lots of pix of the family and tell my grandma Avis I love her and I'll see her soon so she can't go ANYWHERE" *tears again* and with that I felt SO much better. It still doesn't change the fact that I won't get to kiss and hug my 1st born in the month of October but it did make me feel a little better.
In response to this I say to you son:
I love the courage, positive attitude and maturity you have shown in your last few letters. I know this isn't the best place for you but it is the place GOD meant for you to be right now. We both know if you were not there I would probably be visiting a "site" putting fresh flowers down and talking up to the sky to you. As I cry I thank GOD for all you're enduring because it seems to be making you a better man, the man GOD created you to be. I did not go through 12+ hours of labor and you're not wanting to be a part of this world for nothing (that's another blog ENTIRELY)!!
I love your choice of books, our conversations...your enlightenment. I love the fact that you are not becoming a "5 %'er", a jail house preacher or talking prison talk. You are simply being the best you that you can be in the last 2 years of your sentence. We both know that as time winds down it will get harder. You will face those "demons" you referenced in one of your letters (the ones whose faces resemble once friends) but as long as you keep GOD 1st and stay true to what it is you are striving to do NOTHING, NO ONE, NO WEAPON formed against you shall prosper.
I look forward to the day that you come home to be a father to your daughters, Miss Daysha and (we pray) Miss Mi'Jael. The joy they both have when they visit you will be NOTHING compared to what it will be like when they can see you on a daily basis. Son, continue to write, as you are an AWESOME writer like your mom *smile* and continue to hone your craft. Continue to prepare those lectures and speeches you want to give to those youth in crisis, telling them how a loving home though strict at times is much better than that make-shift family in the streets, how that street family cares nothing about you once you're not out there anymore...behind bars you are alone doing that time as they continue on doing whatever it is that they do unconcerned with what you may have done for them while you were on the street. Continue to read and broaden your mind on things you would otherwise have never been exposed had you not been MADE to sit down for a bit. Continue striving to be the man GOD intended for you to be, the FATHER your daughters need you to be and ALL that you want to be!
Love you to life son...see you in November!
We will go to Africa, we will go hiking, camping and all the other things you would like to do GOD WILLING!
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