"Sometimes the pain is SO great that you don't see the blessing in it and want to forget it BUT if you forget you can't get the full benefit of the blessing associated with the pain" Pastor Merriner, Grove Baptist Church
I remember all the times I stayed up late at night, crying, praying and wondering where my son was. If he was OK, if he was ALIVE even because I surely didn't know. I could not understand for the life of me why he was doing what he was doing. He was being VERY disrespectful and defying all house rules, especially curfew.
I remember him dating a young lady who lived in Eureka Gardens (not the best apartment complex) and when he didn't come home for a few days nor would he answer his cell phone I went to her house (keep in mind it was 1 or 2 a.m.). He was sitting outside when I rounded the corner and told me to please go home, this wasn't the place for me to be right now. I told him I wasn't going anywhere unless he got in the truck and came home too. At that very moment, gun shots rang out. My son calmly told me to "duck down ma" and I did as I was instructed. He remained standing so I stood back up at which time he told me again "duck down and stay down ma". As I LAID down trembling in fear I heard a young man screaming "SOMEBODY HELP ME, HE'S GONNA KILL ME" at the top of his lungs. I rolled over to see this young man running as fast as his little legs could take him in MY direction. I looked further over and saw a young man with a gun in his hand. I can't say my presence was the reason that violent act ceased because I was down on the ground and not even sure if either male saw me but I will say I think that child is still running to this day and that has been over 5 years ago. As I got up with tears in my eyes, scared to life I pleaded with my son to come home. He all but ignored my plea and requested VEHEMENTLY that I leave the area as it was not safe for me but all I could think about is it's not safe for him either. I did eventually leave...with out him.
On another incident, I remember him rushing in the house with blood running everywhere but the source, at that time, was unknown. My daughter and I were up in arms as he ran through the house to grab "something" to retaliate with! Before he could get back out of the door I grabbed him to assess his face, it was actually his bottom lip which looked torn off and it was going to require stitches. It took a lot of help and holding to get him calmed down enough to get him in check and in the truck. Several hours, several stitches and couple of prescriptions later we were back home. I heard there was a retaliation but that is neither here nor there at this point.
^^^**BOTH INCIDENTS ABOVE WERE PRE-INCARCERATION**^^^
On another occasion, a club incident which led to punching someone in the mouth and his entire hand getting infected. Who ever he hit tooth broke the skin of his hand, infection set in and it was swollen up to the wrist. So here we go again with another ER visit, x-rays, injections and prescriptions. This infection didn't immediately go away and caused quite a bit of "ruckus" around the house.
Last incident (that I will talk about), he and a friend were jumped in the club, wasn't the first time for that either but this one was different. I would always hear about the club fights but never saw visible signs of a fight...I did this time. He had a huge knot on his head, his back/chest/arms were black and blue, he could barely move and I think his ribs were broken but he would NOT go to the ER this time for what ever reason no matter how much I begged. It was said this was a set up by one of the females he had messed with, considering the person named I wouldn't doubt that either.
OK...where is this going, right? I did all of that to say this, as much as I would like to forget all the pain associated with my son's incarceration (both times) and the acts that lead up to them I can't for if I did I would lose sight of the blessing that came along with all of this. What blessing could come out of this, you ask? Well...my son's life! The fact that he is still able to breath, live and come home to become a productive member of society.
It truly pains me to see my son serving time but I know it was a blessing from GOD. He stayed getting into trouble and if it had continued I honestly believe I would have been buying a black dress and planning a funeral. These streets are not kind nor are the folk who like to dwell in them. I'd be lying if I didn't come right out and say I truly believe Satan lives in Jacksonville, FL! This city seems to bring out the WORSE in folk. People will argue this happens everywhere and they would be right but I am not everywhere...I am here in Jacksonville. I admit I have time to breath now, inhale/exhale deeply with my son behind bars because at least there I know I can see him, touch him, listen to his stories and know that he will live to see another day and have another opportunity to get it right...GOD willing.
In all of this I have come to realize that not ALL bad things are bad, there are some good...NO...GREAT things that come out of some bad situations and I look at this as one of them. Not only will he be a better man (claiming that in advance - speak it though it is so) but I too am a stronger person, in life and in Christ. I have been humbled by some of the most humiliating situations in my life but they are only set ups for the bigger stage my Father has for me, the same goes for my son as well as my daughter who also was greatly affected by this entire situation (that is another blog).
I often look back to where I came from (homeless, jobless, childless, feeling worthless) to where I am now and I remember, once again, Pastor Merriner's words "Don't look at your 'back then', look at your 'now'". My Father has delivered us and its on to bigger, better things now.
GODS WILL BE DONE - HE SAVED MY FAMILY, ESPECIALLY MY SON
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