25 days down ... was I expecting too much?

It seems, in the time since my son has been home, we've grown further apart than closer as I had prayed for while he was away.  When he was incarcerated our bond and words were on point, we weren't always on one accord on things but for the most part it was still a harmonious relationship. Now the harmony and melody both seem to be gone.

I've gone back and read some of my FB posts since the release, they aren't as positive and uplifting as they use to be. I don't feel positive and uplifting anymore to be honest. I don't blame my son but fully blame myself because I seem to be losing me and that's not good. I control my emotions and how I respond to things but here lately I've allowed myself to be drawn in to some really negative places.

I can't control anything my son does, he is an adult and that's hard for me to grasp. He started getting in trouble at a young age so a lot of what I feel should've been done with us wasn't thus in the past is where I seem to be living. I had changed my lifestyle to live happier, be happier but now it seems my motivation has slipped away and how I invisioned things to be is slipping away also.

I've got to get back to me but its hard, VERY hard. He feels I don't understand him and that I'm judgemental and to a degree he is right. I don't know all he has been thru while incarcerated and I am sure that can truly have an effect on his reentry into the real world. Its really become quite difficult for us. I just don't know what to do because most convos turn to arguments and then complete silence between the 2 of us. I am a communicator but with him it seems almost impossible so I am not liking this at all.

This is my first update, 25 days down ... lets see what the next 25 days bring. Hopefully I can get him to write something, I'm sure he has a lot on his mind. Praying for better days for both of us and ask that you all continue to pray for us.

Dante's Homecoming - Rebirth

So today was the day. My alarm went off at 6 a.m. and I've been going ever since. We arrived at 7:55 at which time I walked his box of clothing to the guard booth.Dante has been gone since September 2009 ... a long time! 

For about a hour and a half mama #2 Lisa, Dante's brother from another father and mother, Charles and I waited patiently as visitors arrived for visitation and other inmates were released. That was truly the longest 90 minutes ever! Dante had no idea his brother was with us so we knew it was going to be an awesome homecoming. I told Charles when we see him to hide, I wanted to see my son overwhelmed with happiness on his first day home.

Dante requested an all white outfit so I knew what to be looking for. As Lisa and I stood on the sidewalk talking and waiting we spot the all white outfit and Charles immediately took cover. There were screams, tears and hugs between Lisa, Dante and I when he reached the covered shelter area at which point I reminded him of the surprise.

I pointed around the corner and the joy on his face when he saw Charles brought on more tears. He looked at me and said "Mom you did that!" There was an internal smile as big as the external smile as I watched the brothers exchange family love. I hated we couldn't catch it on video. We were all made to put our cell phones back in the vehicle.

The feeling of having my son leave the prison with me truly reminded me of birth. After years (hours of labor) awaiting his arrival (delivery) he was finally birthed from the belly of the judicial beast! June 1ST my baby boy was reborn and I promise you it was like leaving Portsmouth General back in April 1989 with my first born.

His first day home he wanted IHOP so that's where we headed, his first meal as a free man. He enjoyed the comforts of home with friends, family, a glass of Remy and his daughters. They were so happy to see their daddy at home and the sounds of Daddy Daddy Daddy was so joyful. I think he's going to do a great job as a father.

I am so grateful for the people GOD strategically placed in my life, especially those who've turned out to be more than a reason or season but instead a lifetime. Thank you Lisa and Charles for sharing in such an AWESOME event, all that was missing was my baby girl.

Continue to pray with and for us as the REAL test is about to begin but I dare not fear. I can do ALL things through Christ that strengthens me.